Now that my Period's Almost Over...

I love these menstrual cups. After years of duking it out with tampons, I tried these out. I thought they were for self-absorbed raw vegan people who liked to re-drink their blood in some neo-tribal white Wiccan people ritual while listening to The Dead Can Dance.

This isn't a creepy post about how we should all look at my blood. No. i figure it's enough that you're looking at this clog, which is enough. some women get so excited by all their bodily functions they've been avoiding, they suddenly turn it into a feminist issue to have the freedom to leak all over yourself and your friends and strangers. it's not long before they think it's okay if they mess their pants. then everyone should be forced to sit in a pool of their menstrual blood on the fiberglass seats on the bus and applaud their womynhood.

ew.

now that scientists have discovered fecal germs on computer keyboards and statues of the virgin mary, i don't even like touching public doorknobs so i'm not exactly wacky crazy over pools of enlightened wiccan feminist blood, either. ladies, can you please return to your bored suburban protestant ways and not wipe your enlightment on the rest of us? thank you.

and be careful; in the interest of Title Nine and equality, we'll all have to dance around mens' pearlescent ejaculate while the moon is setting, and i've already done my fair share of that, thank you very much. ew. keep your alizerin crimson to yourself. yes, it's lovely and everyone's special blah blah blah. but is there GENIUS in showing us all to what you made in the toilet?

no. there is no genius there.

i'm all for us all wiping our butts and keeping ourselves clean and to ourselves. but i love this menstrual cup thing. there is ancient genius in such a device. genius. if they weren't so expensive, i'd get one for every dame in my family, like when i first discovered the hitachi magic wand. i got a few of them back and scattered them around my apartment like telephones in every room.

anyway, there are other cups and silicone is supposed to be better than latex. okay.

that's all i've got for today. back to our regularly-scheduled 1/2-white fear of bodily functions next time.