Thanks for the feedback before I go to jail.

I would've written back sooner, but the morning after I posted the pictures of the little manifestos, i get a call from the DA's office about welfare fraud allegations made by the woman i pissed off when she audited me. (i was broke and living in the red, but not THEIR shade of red)

I laughed and said, "you're kidding me, right?"

"Nope," he answered. "Not at all. I need you to come down. I want to see your eyes as you answer these allegations."

My eyes? i look guilty ALL THE TIME! so i was all freaked out and scared.

Clare Scott at the welfare office was saying that i lied on forms i filled out.

if you take a cash advance on a credit card, it is considered income. i argued that was just plain wrong, wrong, wrong and i was furious because how much more broke did i have to prove i was? wasn't this already enough?

so she kicked up my case to the DA's office. james thinks they'll let it go, but when you're broke and scared, bureacrat folks (sorry, i don't know how to spell "bureaucrat" right now. i hate them too much to look it up in the dictionary or spell them correctly), anyhow, bureucrat folks get titillated at slamming people around like mice.

issues at home or in childhoods or whatever. they do make great nazis. they compliment on your scarf while softly, but firmly, reaching for your intestines.

they're probably fine if they're your ziggy cartoon cubicle mates with those little pom pom trolls on their computer monitor, but whoa... be on the other side at their mercy? if only they had actual sex drives to make sexual favors work. but only your pain will suffice.

so this morning james said, "erika, i think it's gonna be okay. whatever happens it'll be fine. even if you end up talking too much and land in jail, you'll meet interesting people."

i do talk too much. after decades of being followed around in stores, i assume i am guilty, that i have in fact stolen something even if i don't know it.so when the DA investigator called, i said, "yes, i answered wrong according to them. so i must be wrong, yes?"

lawyers say clients like me are their worst nightmare. if you wrote CSI episodes around half puerto rican girls like me, the show would be as short as a commercial: "i know i was in vermont, but i must've slept walked to seattle and killed her!"

i should know better. but i used to be in trouble with the courts so much as a kid, i do whatever i can to avoid the system now. once the bureacrats have their ziggy pom pom troll crosshairs on you, you're toast. if you say, "hello," it suddenly becomes an admission of guilt.

so i cancelled going in for an interview because unlike kenneth lay, i think i'll go in and end up in the brig for shooting someone ten years earlier. and i'll have admitted it.

but i could meet interesting people, right?

right.

it's all a good story, right?

right.i'm tired of living these "interesting" stories. but i do suppose it's preferable to ziggy cartoons and pom pom trolls and gently reaching for someone else's intestines under a shroud of compliments because i'm bored and looking for a little more excitement because plain missionary position in my mauve bedroom just doesn't do it for me anymore.

la la la...

have a good weekend.

--Erika

p.s. and to whomever asked (bobbi?) about the plastic pouches, yes, they are sewn with xerox pictures sewn in and i dyed the twine in coffee grounds, TWICE, to get a richer shade.

i really get into these things. one time just wasn't doing it.

thanks again for the feedback.

and yes, i'm still fighting my harassing landlord. and the owner's off on a month-long vacation and she's not getting extra money for this! brilliant.

when will we figure it out and stop crushing people for free.

these women are kicking my ass. and for free, but it's costing me left and right.

thank god for suze ormand, who taught me how to have a 767 FICO score while being on the dole.

(when i went off the dole, my FICO score took a little dip)

when the end of the world comes, all that will be left will not only be cockroaches. there will be plenty of ziggy cartoons with tape on the back, and pom pom trolls laughing and laughing...

like it's the end of a TV show.

have a great weekend!