the art of the mindful mind fuck.

the mind fuck is simply playing with your food before you eat it.

i've heard latinas don't date, and i must've "known" that from my hoop earrings because i don't date, either. i fuck minds before i eat them like crab meat.

most people who mind fuck can do it pretty young. they're the ones with twinkles in their eyes in first grade. they've got a year of kindergarten behind them and they've got home and the world figured out.

the best mind fuckers are the ones who're mixed races, class, cultures, or just born an outsider. you have to learn how to see sometime MANY others' realities/illusions while simultaneously holding onto your own, while "seeming" linear (nothing's linear. there's illusion #1).

but most mind fuckers (manipulators/players/hustlers/salespeople/agents/producers/artists/etc.) get bored of the game early on, and how easily manipulated people are, and then they lose faith in god, love and the american way. take your pick.

most mind fuckers get cynical from drinking the water they peed in themselves.

mind fuckers scare people when they tell what they're doing. they scare the domesticated, sheltered, sillier, or fluffier bunny rabbit people, because "nuance" is like seeing ghosts to them and they get scared of what's not printed on a label.

so my mind fucks...

i got "over" sex with others pretty fast. in my twenties i pretty much figured out it was going to be like miniature golf because everything else holy had been rendered tasteless, odorless, lifeless.

and a side lesson that's huge is about saving/holding onto your own ENERGY and not wasting it on the wrong ones.

that's why i indulge in the art of the mind fuck ramped up.
it saves time and i can see what people are made of sooner, and decide how interesting they may be to invest in.

the mind fuck. you don't manipulate or fake a thing. you OPEN up.

that's the magic. you're naked. and you're strong in that daring nudity.

sure, you could be an asshole, but there are no secrets left on how to be secretly evil. everyone knows. so no one remembers how to defend--BY DOING THE OPPOSITE EXPECTED!

so if you are fascinated by someone, you hold direct eye contact and concentrate on how you feel. how quickly do they look away? how quickly must you look away?

discomfort but interest, is a good sign. even if you're going for an old type.

that's another thing.
you want every risk and adventure to feel NEW.
when you feel like you've gone around with this kind of person before,
if you need to stay with it, that's a whole other lesson you must learn,
and i'm not covering here.

the mind fuck starts off as innocent as 1950s dating.

but as colored people/jews and women knew, wasn't much innocence in the '50s; least of all, white people.

so this is the sexier side of waiting with your legs not so crossed.

but a mind fuck isn't for you to get over, anymore.

you have to check your interest. see what it's about.
the level.

do you wanna pick your teeth or totally disembowel yourself with this experience?
where can they take you?
how strong, empathetic, telepathic is this person.

when does he or she cry uncle?

okay.

so here's how one recent potential mind fuck went last year:

i was at a woman's house in a far, far away land.
i adored her in a platonic way.
she was married and had kids.
i couldn't even consider "parenty" types until the snakefucker.

oblivious me finally catches who/what she is. she's just like me, only actually feminine and sexy. she's magic. she was a scrapper and magician who made her life into a faery tale.

but she'd lost inspiration. her north star was tarnished and missing.

the more she tried to hold onto what she thought she knew how to do,
the more those around her suffered.

like me, she'd once been feral, but knew how to use all she'd been given to make things double, triple, and quadruple. she was magic! (and she IS)

i think that she started to mistake her north star for money/success/accolades, because sometimes we "request" that as a token of your appreciation because we can't always read our lovers' fucking minds.

but we forget that the gifts are not the love.

and she forgot.

she thought that love was a very expensive designer handbag each year from a husband who was miserable at his job. and she felt betrayed and he felt small.

and of course, she made this man. she also brought him from a feral, loveless place. but then she made him prove his love in a way that killed him. he couldn't run fast enough.

he was afraid to approach his wife in the shower to ravish her.

and when i saw how she looked at me, then i knew she was asking for my help in how to love again.

and she had helped me immensely in my own work.

so i went back to my far, far away home, and i thought long and hard about what i could do for these people.

so i started to mind fuck her from afar and see how much she could take of what i had to give. because the art of the MINDFUL mind fuck has to sit back, be quiet, and be able to bring up an energy to help bring them back to each other, and i have to have what i want in check, and what i can DO.

otherwise it's a just a low-grade cluster fuck.

so you have to love as a verb and put your own desires on the side and love the person, fall in love with the person so that you will have their best interests at heart, even when you're jerking off to them down to the bone.

and you have to LET GO. and stand back and do what's best for all involved....

and then let GO.

that's next.
that and why this energy thing is so important when you go these places.
parasites are very, very real.

it's not a diva-like indulgence to avoid generic street small talk and fake intimacy.
not protecting myself from someone's need has landed me exhausted in bed for days.
i don't yet know how it happens, and it terrifies me when it does, so i just avoid most folks i'm not 100% about when i'm raw like this.
people don't mean it. they're just famished for connection and reassurance.
and when they catch my eyes and my care, it's sooo hard for me to detach.

and i can't be naked open like this and be patting people on the back down at the corner bar.

e