just to be clear on the teaching mindful mindfucks

this mindful mindfuck stuff is so dangerous, and words only lie and imprison the real meanings and depths and expanse of this kind of experience.

you can't go around teaching people lessons randomly because it's arrogant and smacks of vigilanteism.

but sometimes people come into my life and "ask" for certain teachings/lessons/experiences. it is not a simplistic sadistic or domme thing.

i have to actually give in and go into their madness because such hatred and contempt at another's vulnerability (especially when you're welsh and wales hasn't yet seceded from england lately) is usually just one's own terror and vulnerability twisted and turned outward.

and if a brilliant artist comes to me like that, then i consider it an important teaching, because whoever has the means of showing us to ourselves, they'd BETTER come correct or they feed us their poison, no matter how well-disguised (see hollytown's vision of women and how well "Feminism" has done with this botox/fake tit/grown-woman thing).

i take what i put out there seriously but i can never write enough, explain enough, because my words don't always mean the same things as your words.

that's why you have to cut funny people a break, like michael richards. when you pull the string, we're supposed to channel all that's out there, and in the process we can leak some pretty horrid things you all try to hide.

so that's the safety valve on all that i tell you. you have to actually go into another's madness and pain to understand them. you can only do that with love or you will set yourself on fire or they will kill you for being in their head.

when you're in such heads, you see we're all just adorable frightened little children and you see how basic all this madness and hatred is. that's why i charge us women with being indignant pillow queens less, and learn how to invest in your own fucks and stop whining about not getting enough of EVERYTHING. time stuff attention blah fucking blah.

and my fear since childhood was being reincarnated into a future holocaust, so i try to help bridge understanding between people who think they're so different.

i'm mixed, i've lived between the cracks and boundaries. i've had to step lightly or swagger. i've had to wrap my pussy lips around my teeth and play my james brown bass riffs like you're safe and nothing will happen.

and hitler has become a punchline, a distant cartoon distraction from the reality that he was just the face of a whole fucking IDEA. the entire country was pissed off, hurt, feeling terrified and they blamed the jews for their bad childhoods and bleak present, and wanted revenge.

it's very true that we must never forget. we must never forget that we are each jewish, palestinian, black, arab, mexican, homeless, poor, weak, young, old.

and we must always watch the magic that tells us otherwise because it will come back to us. there are no true "smoking sections" or corners of the pool that are best to pee in.

it's more colonializing white crap to teach blunt lessons. i swear people come to me because the intense ones say they were lost or asking the universe for something. i've never ever been the marrying type. at least not by regular earthly standards. i love deeper than the way people marry each other like buying lawn mowers or blow jobs.

my vows can't be broken, even though they're rarely ever even said.
especially with words.
i'm coming to hate words.

even my own.

they're beginning already to trap me.

i can feel it.


e